Kind I

I had no sunniness, no disposition. I was kind,

kind as day.

There was no containing me, my handsome, expansive face.

Temper shone brief in my hand.

“My life has been turbulent and very boring.”

This is Jean Rhys,

a very unkind woman.

She was the mistress of Ford

Madox Ford—his sexy shut-in

in Paris

Part of kindness entails the death

of all that.

I am drinking whisky now.

Please be kind and stay away.

Kind II

I once knew a novelist too, ask him.

He will say I was unkind, but kindness does not appear

just as you like it,

has no habit, and no weather. It is not

for the young

and not for women.

I was young and I was a woman and I was kind,

kind as day.

Jean Rhys also said that when you are safe you are rarely free and when free,

rarely safe.

I have written it down because I know it.

It is like being kind, being

helpless.

Kind III

Of the many kind moments in life, one comes strongly to mind.

I am twelve now, or ten.

I play the cello.

I am learning the Bach Cello Suites, oh why did he write them?

Radiant orphans.

I am ten, maybe twelve.

I know everything of kindness and nothing of technique.

My fat girl fingers, even now I hate them.

My teacher plays the Gigue, no the Allemande.

Dance, she tells me.

Dance to yourself.

Kind IV

But you will say: why be kind?

Kindness is a lack of talent, like boredom; know the comfort of men,

and of women.

“Fatally, all ideas come from somewhere.”

Ignore me.

I am drinking

with my books.

Romance

Watched from the woods and then wary at wine—

always the woods, always the wine. Attentiveness requires tending

like this small plot of sand. There is no mouth at the end

of most trails.

But it is not

hard to see him

and I look at him now

like the snow he won’t conscience, its flurries

and time.

She can’t stand to sleep and so wakes every moment

to new angles of light. It is dark

in the room, as dark as the woods.

His watch hangs from his hand.

They have kissed and it has tasted of wine;

marking them now in their blizzard

and fear

I remember that this is the cabin, this is my mind. 

When they fuck he sets his shoes neatly and next

to the door.